sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
