Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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