The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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