If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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