Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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