How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
