chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
