Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
