Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
