You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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