onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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