i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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