before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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