so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
