how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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