I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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