Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
