I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
