he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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