My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
