I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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