If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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