I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
