erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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