so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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