Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
