When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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