you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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