im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
