I met the friendliest cop last night
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
