Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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