sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Someone signed my nipple.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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