Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My vagina is officially offended.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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