i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
