there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
