bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
