Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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