The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Randomize
