Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
