I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
