Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I want is dick and wine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
