This is not my ceiling
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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