Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
