in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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