Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
