Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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