How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
