8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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