Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
