Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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