no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
