Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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