I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
