She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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