Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
