O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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