I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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