I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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