my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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