fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my shit smells like andre
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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