I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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