Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
