I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
