I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
