no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
