Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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