I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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