There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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