I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will pee on everything he values.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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