i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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